Have you noticed the clouds of white, cotton fluff blowing through the air? It’s not low cumulous clouds, and certainly not snow. It’s called cottonwood, and allergy suffers like me know it well. Every year it starts to fly around the end of May.
Cottonwood is a type of tree pollen. It comes from Cottonwood trees which grow throughout the US. They are large, majestic trees which provide nice shade, but they also produce the light, cotton-like white fluff that you see in the air in late spring.
It comes every year at this time, but this year seems exceptionally bad. It’s everywhere – in the air, on the ground, in the back of my throat and especially up my nose. I’m trying to figure out why.
An article in the Columbus Dispatch blames the heat. According to the article, trees accumulate pollen (including cottonwood) when it’s cold, then release it all when the weather gets hot. On top of that, the heat allows the pollen to thrive. At least someone is thriving in this 90-degree weather.
Maybe so, but then I start to consider who might be benefiting from this blizzard. There are the allergy docs, but they are too small to pull off such a caper. The ones who truly profit from these allergies are the pharmaceutical companies. If you’re like me, you’ve tried Zyrtec, Flonase, Claritin, Allegra, Sudafed, nasal spray and even Benadryl (if I don’t have anything to do that day except sleep).
I’m not usually much for conspiracy theories, but I’m starting to believe that the pharmaceutical companies are hauling in all this cottonwood by the truckload! Then, they blow it into the air using huge fans or hoses. Kind of like the ones they use to spread massive amounts of mulch or soil. Is Jones Topsoil in on this?
Another possibility is the use of crop dusters or even giant drones to fly over and spread it everywhere. Bombs away! Has anyone seen a Zyrtec airplane or even an Allegra Blimp? I did see a blimp flying over the Memorial Tournament. Hmmm…
But where are the drug companies getting all of this cottonwood? Could the Claritin company be hauling it in from across the border? I mean it’s literally piling up on the sidewalks. Yesterday I had to shovel my driveway.
Maybe Zyrtec is working with the Chinese in the Wuhan lab. Could the Chinese balloon that our military shot down have been filled with cottonwood? The plot thickens…
Now I have absolutely no proof of my theory, but like most conspiracy theorists, I’m going to spread the news anyway. I’ll blame the far right, or the far left, or the fake news! Evidence, schmevidence.
I thought about calling for a boycott of all allergy medicine, but then none of us will be able to breathe. Instead, I’m hoping the drug companies might send me a bunch of free medicine… and tissues for that matter. I’m happy to provide my mailing address if needed.
Meantime, I’ll just keep popping my pills, spraying my nose spray, and spreading my story like cottonwood! Let’s make it go viral!